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December 2007 
What's wrong with relationships?
Posted on Nov 25th, 2007
by 
George
George
Wow, what a sad weekend! Too many answers to the, "What's the longest relationship you've been in?" were, "myself".
My Darlings, I have to tell you in all sincerity that you are really making a grave mistake when you make relationships with other human beings something that you just don't do. You've gone too far with this and someone here needs to say something to you. Can't you see that with over 6 billion people on the planet, wanting to be alone is like trying to hide an elephant in the bushes?
What has happened is, you've become deluded. You have tricked yourself into thinking this way. When I snap my fingers you will wake up out of this self-deluded trance you are in. Snap!
Oooh I see, it didn't work. That's because you are still thinking negative fear thoughts about committed love relationships all the time. If you stop thinking negative fear thoughts about committed love relationships all the time, your mind will become clear again and you will be able to see that committed love relationships are OK. You will also see that being by yourself most of the time is not OK and that you actually don't like to be by yourself all the time. Just try being with people and quit thinking those negative thoughts for a little while and you'll see for yourself. I certainly wouldn't want you to believe me without discovering this for yourself.
I know that you may want to tell me that we are all related on some higher plane and we all get along wonderfully out there on that Great Plain somewhere in the sky. Well that's hogwash, is what that is. Hasn't anyone told you that being all about yourself is selfish, narcissistic and just plain bad?
No, they must not have told you. I'm sorry that no one told you this before. I know it's a bummer to get the bad news and feel all heartborken about the fact that your oh so very special exclusive love relationship with yourself is not working out and has to end now. Well, it does. My condolences.
George
Access: Public
Hi George,
I like what you wrote, and totally agree.
The thing is, I am in an intimate relationship, and I know what you say, that alot of people don't get into relationships beacuase of pain in the past and fear and all that….
Still, my answer that the longest is myself, comes from the seeing that my Self is consciousness, not this body and mind, and therefore, I have been with myself forever… The longest relationship…
In fact, I think I need to be in an intimate relationship for old reactions to arise and for me to see them and be ok with them, so they transform…. There's no way I could do that on my own :)
My intimate relationship is my teacher…
peace to you,
Soul
hmm, I don't think that you maybe understood what I meant by having a relationship with myself… if you don't know yourself, then it is not possible to have a completely open and honest relationship with someone else. Any difficulties that arise in a relationship have roots in the difficulties one has with oneself - my relationship with myself has been tumultuous because from many years, I pretended not to be who I was, didn't understand my mind, and that caused alot of problems. I think that alot of people avoid understanding themselves, caring for themselves, and sorting things out in themselves (thus having a healthy relationship with oneself) … when the center is calm and understood, then the rest is easier to be open to. I don't think it is correct to see having a relationship with the self as being a negative thing - not when for those who say, it is integral to relating to the universe as a whole
Hi George -
I get what you are saying about people being afraid of having love relationships. I really do. However, when the question asked “What is the longest relationship you have ever had?” one really must answer “with myself,” wouldn't you say?
After all, you were with yourself in the womb. You were with yourself in spirit long before you were born. You were with yourself in many past lives, if that's how you believe.
Then, you came out into the world (or this life) and you began to have an instant relationship with everything. First your parents, but even a relationship with the doctors and nurses (or midwives and taxi drivers) that brought you into the world. Those relationships might have been very short, as in “I caught the baby!” - but still, you related.
Then you relate to every thought, every moment, every co-creation. As God points out in Neale Donald Walsch's gorgeous book Conversations with God - God can only know itself by knowing what it is not, which means that there is always an inherent relationship going on. Since you are also God (and never disconnected), then you are part of God's experience of Itself, so when you choose anything to create, you relate in such a way that says “I am expressing God as this now!” When you choose anger, you relate in such a way that you allow the God-experience to know that it is anger. When you choose love, you have defined that you ARE love, which means that you must know (and therefore have some relationship with) hate - even if it is just to say “I am not hate” - that's a relationship, too.
One can only know oneself, and truly know one's DIVINE self, through the lens of knowing what it is not, which means having continual relationships with all of life.
I guess what I am saying is that it is very logical to say that your longest relationship is with yourself. After all, I am doubting that you had a love relationship with anyone else from the time before you were born.
That said, all else flows from there. In choosing the rest of our relationships in our lives, we then again choose what we are. And - in doing that - we have a greater experience of ourselves as individuals. Better yet, we continually get to experience that which is life in the most profound ways.
So, saying that your longest relationship was with yourself does not in any way mean that you do not have long and beautiful relationships with others. As I said in my response to the Qar - I have a fantastic relationship with my husband, who is truly my soulmate in every way. We grow and learn from relating to one another. It's a relationship I am profoundly grateful for - and genuinely blessed to have - but it isn't my longest. I was with myself - and relating to all of life - long before I met him.
Namaste -
Tara
again, it amazes me the negativity that you are projecting onto others… your post doesn't cover much about the postive ways in which people can relate to one another… it just seems to be a continuation of the negative perspective you hold on how people answered “what's the longest relationship you've been in” … I think the QaR was a clever question to get people to see that *myself* is the absolute longest relationship anyone can claim…. because we set so much focus outside of ourselves that we end up forgetting the relationship that usually gets the least amount of attention… *myself* … I applaude those who acknowledge themselves in that QaR… job well done!
Well, a great big HELLO to all of my fans out there! I'm so grateful that you stopped by to read my blog and express yourselves.
To MsCapriKell,
You said, “again, it amazes me the negativity that you are projecting onto others… your post doesn't cover much about the postive ways in which people can relate to one another…”
MsCapriKell, the purpose of this blog was to begin to undo some of the negative thinking that keeps people so separate from one another…. it was a response to what I perceive to be a prevalant problem in this day and age….. a kind of deep independent streak people want to express and justify by various means….. and various mean ways of treating others…. it was not meant to express my complete opinion of what relationship means to me….. I see that most people pay far too much attention on themselves, their self-identity, self-growth, their reactions, their thoughts, their feelings….. I see no shortage of attention paid on the relationship with themselves….. trying to balance things out here since there is so much emphasis on self these days…. there's not much honest straight forward feedback in a relationship primarily with yourself…. I am amazed at the negativity projected onto me for expressing my feelings in an open dialogue here on Zaadz…. I applaud those who believe that relationship with other people on the planet and also with their divine helpers and with God (or insert your preferred name for higher power here) is still a good thing…… I applaud those who feel that selfishness, narcissism and self-obsession are not good… I applaude those that believe outward attention and love are good….. Applause!!!
To Soul,
I am very glad to hear that you are in an intimate relationship and I'm going to assume that you are in an intimate relationship for more than just the opportunity for old reactions to arise. Like for love. Not to say that it isn't good to see old reactions and get rid of them - it is good. I've done a lot of that and it's good to let that stuff go. Just to say that love is the higher value here. I agree with you, there's no way to do relationship on your own.
Thanks for your willingness to engage in this topic so dear to me.
George
Dear (Mr?) George:
I don't think it's so bad that anyone's longest relationship is with themselves. Hey, you have to relate to someone right? If you can't relate to yourself, who can you relate to, after all? Obviously, the back door on that ONE TRUE relationship is closed! We' are STUCK with ourselves no matter what… too bad… who'd pay the alimony if your relationship with yourself failed. Who would you blame? Gosh, no one is hardly ever willing to take responsibility for the failure of relationship right? You certainly are off the hook on that little detail. I agree with Ms. CapriKell. You are SOOOO negative here. If you point out this in such a negative way, all you will get is a bunch of people who think it's a good idea to be selfish reacting to you. You should be SOOOO much more POSITIVE here…
Like this maybe:
Hello all of you totally loving people out there. I just read through all of the responses to the question of the day, “What's the longest relationship you've been in?” and I have never seen so many committed LOVERS anywhere before anywhere on EARTH! You guys are the cat's ass man, oh, man! So many, many, many of you answering with “my self” as the longest relationship… congratulation on the absolute longevity… Like the guy that said” I made a commitment to me from day one, and I've stuck with me ever since.” And how about: “Since the one problem I had with me not being myself a few years ago (Yes, I almost ended it right then), I have recommitted again and again, and have become very reliable to me.” Yes, these are laudable positions, and you guys have obviously exercised the self-love muscles it takes to be a self actualized child of God. Yes, God helps those who help THEMSELVES… right? Where does it say “God help those who help OTHERS?” Well, nowhere, that's where. I must say there is a next step though. Consider a relationship with another human being. I mean, just give it a try. You may find that it is almost as rewarding as having the one true committed relationship with yourself after all. And heck, if you are successful in putting together a relationship for even a short time, at least you'll get laid or something really cool, and that'll be good for your self relationship for sure! And then, there is always going back to “me,” right? I mean, having a lasting relationship with one's self means never having to spend the night alone. One can always be one's own “right hand man” in that regard, if you catch my drift.
Or possibly this:
I'm amazed that all of you folks who answered the recent question “What's the longest relationship you've been in?” with “Myself.” Some of you seemed almost happy in responding that way. I'd say HEY… keep up the good work, I know a bunch of enlightened guys that say you have to commit to number one if you have any chance of ecstasy. And, sure, making that commitment to oneself is the highest possible support of functionality on the planet… If you can't be functional in relationship with yourself, how is it ever going to work for you in marriage? Self relationship give you all of the input you need to grow into a well adjusted adult, fully functional and practically non-suicidal…. I could go on here, but you probably get my drift.
Obviously, I am in support of George's comments, as homophobic as I am, I agree with him. People wishing to put guys like George down are simply willing to let others flush their lives and sanity down the shitter, along with the hope of a brighter future for all. George you are entitled to your opinion! I agree we have a perfect right to defend peoples choices to crap in their pants too… does that mean we don't say anything about it? Those who might see the fact of the mess they are creating by making such choices, may possibly thank you. Those wishing to keep crapping in their pants, please raise your hands! You can now go to Ms. CapriKell's planet and completely f*** it up… oh never mind, someone beat you to it.
Respectfully, Ken
These Pathetic Zaadzters said their best relationship is with themselves? What a sorry bunch of wankers! No wonder you're all fucked up. You're hanging out with a horrible influence. If you would just find some good people to hang out with instead of your dirtbag selves you'd have a prayer to get out of the hole you're in. You can judge a man by the company he keeps. Well if you're hanging out with yourslelves that pretty much makes you lower than ratshit! Pathetic tweakers! Wankers! Wack-offs! Go f… yourselves! No, I guess you've already pretty well done that. Wank on losers! Stunt your growth! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Thanks for backing me up, Green Guy! I'm not one to call people Wack-Offs and such, too vulgar for my sensitivities. But I agree with you that these folks could use a lesson or two in what's right and what's wrong with masturbatory positions towards relationships, dependency and just plain good manners when it comes to other people. Cheez, it really chaffs my soft-skin that some folks believe that narcissism and self growth is the way to happiness. So delusional.
George
Sheesh green guy needs some of my soap to was his mouth out. Any how thank you george for your commments. I belive peole everywhere and in every time are connected, when someone is in pain it hurts me,when an other is sad I want to cry. So in a way that makes us ALL never truly alone.